How to Raise Responsible Children [Modern Parenting Tips]

You want to do everything you can to raise responsible children. But how is that even possible with all of the challenges that modern parents face? What can we do to encourage our kids to be trustworthy and follow through on their word? Today we are sharing tips and advice to help you create a foundation of responsibility in your home that will benefit your children for a lifetime.

How to raise responsible children. Kids making bed with mom's help.

How to Raise Responsible Kids

For many of us, the ultimate parenting goal is to teach our children how to be successful adults.

This means that they will learn how to do what they say, and follow through on their commitments.

It’s also about learning how to be respectful and fair in their dealings with others.

Some common challenges facing modern parents include:

All of the bad examples being glamorized on social media
Not knowing how to set clear expectations for behavior
Being compared to other parents who don’t value the character traits of responsibility

And I totally get it.

Even with decades of experience working with children in schools and being a certified discipline and guidance coach, I still wonder if I am doing everything right with my own kids.

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. There is no manual and it seems like each day brings its own set of new challenges.

However, even with all of those hills to climb it is still possible to raise kids with a sense of responsibility.

If you’re hoping to raise a productive member of society who takes ownership of their actions and words, then keep reading to see if you’re on the right track (or how to turn things around).

1. Be a Good Role Model

Kids listen to your actions more than they listen to your words.
Lauren Tingley

One of the best ways to increase positive behaviors in your children is to be a good role model for them.

It’s important to set a good example for your kids by showing them what responsibility looks like and sounds like through your own actions and words.

When your kids consistently see you do the right thing and making good choices, they will be more likely to do the same.

Here are a few things you can do to show your kids what responsibility looks like in day to day life:

Follow through on commitments

Children learn more from what you do than from what you say.

If you make a promise, keep it. If you say you’re going to be there, show up.

No matter how many times you tell your child to “be responsible” if you’re not keeping your promises they will catch on very quickly and exhibit the same behavior.

Say what you mean and mean what you say

Responsibility is all about being truthful and authentic.

Admitting when you are wrong or taking ownership of a mistake will teach your child how to do the same.

When we are genuine with our kids, they learn how to trust us – and that is huge for developing responsible behavior.

Being impeccable with your word teaches children how to have integrity and to be someone who can be trusted by others; two major building blocks of becoming responsible adults.

Respect Others

Children learn how to treat others by watching how we interact with them.

If you are respectful to your spouse, partner, or friends – your children will likely follow suit.

Teach them how to have empathy and how to see things from another person’s perspective.

Take Responsibility for Your Own Actions

It’s one thing to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, but it’s another thing entirely to learn how to reflect on your own behavior and make changes as a result.

If you want to raise responsible children, this is a critical step.

We live in a society where we are quick to blame others for our problems.

It’s much harder to take a step back, assess the situation, and own our part in it.

But this is what being responsible looks like.

When we are able to take responsibility for our own lives and actions, we become more empowered to change things for the better.

2. Praise and Encourage Effort, Not Just Results

Child being responsible for their own laundry.

Developing a sense of responsibility doesn’t happen overnight.

It’s a gradual process that starts with making small steps in the right direction.

This is why it’s important to praise and encourage your children for their effort, not just their results.

If you only praise your kids when they succeed, they may become frustrated and give up before they ever get there.

Instead, acknowledge when they’ve made progress or tried their best even if the outcome was mediocre.

Verbally praise your child when they are being responsible to let them know that you noticed and that you appreciate their efforts.

This will help them feel good about themselves and encourage them to continue making responsible choices.

You can use phrases, like

“Great job cleaning up your room! Thanks for being responsible for your space.”
“I’m so proud of you for being honest with me, that wasn’t easy and it shows you know how to be responsible for your actions.”

3. Set Clear Expectations for Behavior

Mom giving daughter a high five for being responsible.

Setting clear expectations means your kids understand the type of behaviors that are expected of them and what will happen if they don’t meet those expectations.

Define what responsibility means to your family

As an elementary school teacher, I can tell you that it’s important to be very specific when dealing with kids. You want to leave zero room for ambiguity.

Before you can expect your kids to “be responsible” you have to make sure they understand what that means and looks like.

This will be different for every family, so take some time to sit down and define what responsibility means to you.

Some topics you may want to cover include:

– Being honest
– Doing your best
– Following through on commitments
– Being respectful of others
– Taking care of your belongings
– Helping out around the house

Establish household rules and consequences

Once you’ve defined what responsibility looks like for your family members, it’s time to establish some household rules.

Again, be specific and make sure everyone is on the same page.

It’s also important to establish consequences for breaking the rules.

This will help your kids understand that there are real-world implications for their actions.

As a teacher and parenting coach, I tend to recommend natural consequences.

For example, if your child refuses to do their homework, a natural consequence would be that they get a lower grade in the class.

This is more effective than an arbitrary punishment like grounding them from TV for a week because it’s directly related to their behavior.

Of course, there are times when natural consequences aren’t possible or practical.

In those cases, you can use logical consequences.

For example, if your child doesn’t clean their room, you may take away their toy box until they are able to show that they can be responsible with their belongings.

The key is to make sure the consequence is related to the behavior and that it’s something your child can reasonably control. You just want to make sure the consequences are appropriate and consistent.

Put expectations in writing and post them in a visible place

When trying to instill responsibility in your kids, written expectations can be very helpful.

This is especially true for younger children who may not be able to understand or remember all of the rules.

It’s a great idea to schedule a family meeting where you discuss your goals as a family and post them in a visible place, like on the fridge or in the playroom.

Reinforce expectations regularly

Here’s the thing with good parenting: Discussing a topic once is never enough.

You have to keep the lines of communication open and reinforce your expectations regularly.

This doesn’t mean nagging your kids or getting into arguments every time they make a mistake.

Instead, have regular and candid conversations where you can discuss how things are going and see if there are any areas that need improvement.

On the car ride to school or to and from practice tend to be a great time to share with your kids what they are doing well, and if there is anything they did that was irresponsible.

Just remember that if kids feel like they are being nagged or berated, they will not be open or receptive to what you have to say, so be sure to keep things positive and constructive.

4. Give Choices When Possible

If you want to raise a responsible child, give them choices.

When children are given choices, they feel like they are in control and learn how to make good decisions.

This can also encourage them to accept responsibility for the outcomes of their choices.

For example, if your child is fighting with their sibling, instead of telling them to stop, give them a choice between two options.

“Do you want to go to your room to calm down or stay here and talk about what’s going on?”

You can also give them choices when it comes to consequences for their actions.

If they break a rule, you can give them the choice of how to make up for it.